Best laid plans and false economies

Chico, being an affectionate cat, likes to lie on my chest and be cuddled. Unfortunately, he also likes digging his claws in while he’s there. My chest has started to look like crazy paving, so I thought it was time to get his claws clipped. Mishmish is a bit less keen on being cuddled, but does love to lash out occasionally, so I decided he could do with getting his claws clipped too.

I’m having a bit of trouble with vets. Whilst there are plenty of them in Cairo, many are not at all well regarded, and on top of that there’s the language issue. Initially, I took Mishmish to a lovely guy in New Cairo to have his gunky eye looked at, but every time I have tried to make an appointment since he has been mysteriously unavailable. Then a friend recommended one in Ma’adi. He turned out to be a wonderful vet. He’s clipped Chico’s claws, snipped Mishmish’s balls, and whipped out Shams’s reproductive system, as well as dealing with worms and ear mites (Shams was on the streets for a while). He also diagnosed and treated a urinary tract infection after Mishmish escaped for 24 hours and had some adventures. I feel it’s best that I don’t know the details.

The problem is that Ma’adi is a long way from where I live, so I was thinking there must be a closer vet who can deal with this minor issue. It’ll take less time and money because I won’t have to go to Ma’adi and back. I had noticed one not too far away from home, so I went on a recce. It seemed fine, and they also sold the brand of food that the cats eat. Even better, I thought. I went one day after work. As usual, both cats were extremely unimpressed to be in cat boxes and I had to listen to synchronised angry miaowing all the way to the vet.

When I conducted my recce visit, there was no-one else there, so I was rather taken aback to find the waiting room was full of dogs. Oh well, I thought, I’m here now so I might as well stay. There was a small white dog, a husky puppy, a teenage golden retriever and a tiny baladi (“local”) puppy. Each animal seemed to have at least three human attendants. The retriever, true to breed, wanted to say hello to everyone, humans and animals alike. The husky puppy and the small white dog did NOT want to stay hello back. The trouble is, in doggy language, saying “hellooooooo! Talk to meeeeeeee!” and “fuck off out of my face you gigantic monster!!!!” sound pretty much the same. Thankfully, the baladi puppy just looked on with interest and took notes for the future.

Needless to say, Chico and Mishmish continued their synchronised angry miaowing, combined with frantic scratching by Mishmish. The retriever had to say hello to them too, obviously, which at least resulted in some variety in the cacophony – a bit of hissing and yowling. Chico loves a good yowl.

At 16.52 I texted my husband to tell him that Mishmish was being really embarrassing. At 17.13 I told him I was still waiting. By 17.59, all time savings gained from not going to Ma’adi had disappeared. I passed the time by studying the other customers, who were all Egyptian. A few more came in during my interminable wait, all with Persian cats. Mine are all rescued baladi cats. There are thousands of street cats and dogs in Cairo; many of them in the animal shelters around the city. They are intelligent and full of character. They make wonderful pets if they are lucky enough to be rescued - many of my foreign friends have rescued baladi animals. So I really can’t understand why most Egyptians won’t entertain having a baladi animal as a pet. Apart from the tiny puppy, every one of the other ten animals I saw at the vet were pedigree. All the cats were Persian. Two customers with one of the Persians did show an interest in Chico and Mishmish, but maybe it was just disbelief that someone would give a home to baladi cats. It really perplexes me because I would much rather have my three than any overbred pedigree animal.  

Aggressive? Moi?

Eventually, it was our turn. I took the now even angrier cats into the surgery and told the vet what I wanted. I intimated that both cats could show some aggression when being messed with. She asked which would be easiest. I said Mishmish, because he’s smaller.

The other time Chico has had his claws clipped was at the vet in Ma’adi. It was such an efficient process that I realise, with hindsight, that I subconsciously assumed that there’s a module in vet school called “How To Deal With Angry Cats”. If this module exists, it’s obviously optional. I have never seen such a circus in my life. Mishmish did not want to have his claws clipped. First the vet and her nurse tried a towel. Then they tried this bag thing where you zip the cat up and are supposed to be able to extract one cat leg at a time. The problem is, you have to get the cat into the bag. Mishmish was having none of it. Eventually the vet called in the bloke from reception who basically pinned Mishmish to the table with a towel over his head. Success! One cat done. I apologised to the vet and said maybe I’d got it wrong, Mishmish would be harder after all. Oh how I wish I had kept my gob shut.

Did I just see claw clippers?!?

The vet and the nurse got Chico out. I realised that a fundamental error had been made; he’d seen everything that had happened to Mishmish. As soon as he was out of the box he leapt off the table. They got him back on the table. He tried frantically to get into the cat box for the first time ever. They removed the cat box. They produced the towel. He leapt off the table again, ran round the room, went under the desk and hid behind a pile of filing boxes. The vet held the cat box open and miraculously he rushed into it. Back on the table. Cat bag. They’ve got him in the cat bag! One leg out. Claws clipped. The bag is too small, they can’t get the other back leg out. They open the bag. Chico vaults over the vet and races round the room. His tail is like a loo brush. I eventually coax him back out from under a chair. The bloke from reception is called back in, along with another nurse. A further 12 claws are clipped before he escapes again. Only three more claws to go. We can do this, people. Final effort. The bloke from reception, the vet and one of the nurses basically lie on top of him with one leg sticking out. The second nurse rushes in with the clippers. Last three claws done! To prevent another escape (after all he doesn’t know they’re finished), they put the open box right next to him and he rushes straight into it, and we slam the door in triumph. We’re all drained. I apologise to everyone several times.

The vet says Chico needs to have his claws clipped more often, they were far too long. I am incredulous. She’s prepared to go through that AGAIN? How often? I say. Monthly, she says, and suddenly realising the implications, looks completely horrified.

I rush out. Pay (leaving massive tip). Go home. Let the cats back out of their boxes. The whole exercise took two hours and 25 minutes. No time saved. Five humans and two cats traumatised. And they didn’t even have any of the food! I’m going to Ma’adi next time.     

How to get attention: Four methods to try at home

Recently, I have been learning a lot about getting attention, and I'd like to share my new knowledge with you all. Here are four methods I have identified. I hope you find this useful.

Method 1: The Shams

1. Miaow piteously until some one picks you up.
2. Miaow piteously until they put you back down again.
3. Miaow piteously until they pick you back up.
4. Repeat until bored.

Method 2: The Chico (paws and teeth method)

1. Gently put a paw on the leg of the person who's attention you want.
2. If this doesn't work, extend your claws a bit.
3. Then a bit more. This is particularly effective when your claws need clipping.
4. If this still doesn't work, bite them on the arm. Hard. It is guaranteed that this will work.

Method 3: The Chico (head method)

1. Jump on their lap. 
2. If they are using their laptop, make sure to trample on the keyboard. If you're really lucky, you'll end up sending an inappropriate message to someone on Facebook Messenger. 
3. If they're not using their laptop, stretch yourself so your head is right under their chin and stick your claws in their chest.
4. If this doesn't work, stretch slightly further and whack your head as hard as you can on their face - the nose is ideal. 

Method 4: The Mishmish

1. Subtlety is a total waste of time. 
2. Miaow as loudly as you can, as close to their ear as possible.
3. Simultaneously, leap on their lap with your claws extended and dig them in as soon as you land. Throw in a bite if a biteable area comes within reach during the process.
4. If there are hot drinks around, so much the better.
5. Look surprised and affronted when you are immediately thrown off (this is critical) and stalk off in a huff. Batter your step sister round the head as you're passing for good measure.

Feeling hot, hot, hot (and not in a good way)

I'm not doing terribly well with my objective to write a new blog post every two weeks. Sorry about that, my only excuse is that due to the exam session, it's been unbelievably busy. Maybe every two weeks was a bit optimistic. On top of that, one of my cats (more about that later) knocked my laptop on to the floor and it took me ages to get it fixed. I think things are back on track now though.

First I want to report some sad news. My lovely Bracken died. You may remember I wrote a letter to Bracken in a previous blog post. I am devastated obviously, as are my Mum and Dad. She had quickly become part of their lives. I think she made it to the grand old age of 17 but I never knew her actual birthday so I can't be sure. She was an incredible little dog anyway. She hardly suffered at all at the end, and my Mum and niece were with her until the end. I still miss her dreadfully.

So - what's been happening? Well it's been around 40 degrees in Cairo for months. I am not coping well. Obviously I was expecting it to be hot, but I must admit the extent of the impact on my physical health has been a real shock. I have a permanent headache, aching joints, tingling sensations from head to toe and I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. I've felt so crap some days that I've actually been off sick from work. I feel like I drink gallons of water but I probably don't (water is so boring) and I could probably drink more, and being honest a bit less coffee would probably help too. It's not just the water though apparently - it's the salts. So I've also been taking re-hydration sachets. It doesn't help that the air conditioning in our office doesn't work properly - although to be fair I got an unexpected but welcome shower from it this morning. I always knew my equilibrium had really narrow parameters, so obviously my body's tolerance to heat is pathetic. To be fair I'm not designed for heat, being from Scotland and having the palest skin it's possible to have, and red hair of course. Apparently one does acclimatise so I'm hoping that by 2025 I'll be fine!

Mishmish

I now have three cats. Yes, three. I still have Chico, I have a kitten called Mishmish who although blind in one eye doesn't let that get in the way of being a complete troublemaker, and as of a few weeks ago I have another kitten that my husband has named Shams (Arabic for sun). As I have mentioned before, Egyptians aren't too hot on animal welfare in comparison to the UK. There is a tendency with some Egyptians to get a pet and then abandon it when it starts costing money. Shams was found wandering around outside our apartment block, crying pitifully. One of our neighbours rescued her but he couldn't take her permanently, so he spoke to A, who amazingly came and asked me if I wanted to take her! I say amazingly because he's not too keen on the other two. He's really taken with Shams though. She's beautiful in both looks and personality, as you can see from the photo. Mostly the three of them get on OK. Mishmish wasn't happy about Shams to begin with but now it's a total love fest. I'm really happy about this because he needed a friend to play with, and the pair of them spend their lives cuddling up, wrestling or racing round the apartment chasing each other. Mishmish also has a tendency to attack Chico's tail while he's asleep, and gets his ears boxed for his troubles. Chico isn't keen on Shams at all and can get a bit aggressive, and I'm convinced it's jealously. Cat politics. I never knew it was so complicated.

Shams

My job is still going really well (Insha'Allah - see I'm becoming Egyptian!) I do love it and feel like I'm doing a job which makes an actual difference to real people. For example one of my colleagues held an Iftar (the fast breaking meal during Ramadan) for some local orphans during Ramadan. There are many orphans in Egypt unfortunately and because of Sharia they don't have many prospects for a happy life. It was an amazing event, but I only know this because I saw the photos. I couldn't bring myself to go because I knew I'd never cope with the plight of the orphans. Looking at the photos was bad enough. So I do my job in Exams and feel thankful that the British Council does amazing work in Egypt and all over the world.

Chico

I'm still going to Writer's Group and Reading Group, both of which have been the foundation for my social life, and more importantly, finding true friends here in Egypt. Unfortunately with this expat life they tend to leave, and two good friends have left already for new challenges. But there is so much to do in Cairo that you could live here for a lifetime and still not see everything. Which is just as well, as I'm planning to live here for a long time.

My husband is in the process of renovating four apartments in Downtown Cairo into a hotel. Whilst extremely stressful, particularly for him, it's a very exciting project. I'll keep you posted.

 Can you believe that I have lived in Cairo for over a year? Goodness what a lot has happened in that time. I know this blog post probably doesn't contain as much Carol "spice" (as a good friend calls it) as normal, but I want you all to know that despite the frequent challenges and many many differences between Britain and Egypt, I do love it here (mostly). I love my husband, I love my stepson, I love my apartment and my cats, I love the warmth, friendliness and humour of Egyptians, I love my job, I love living in a place which is genuinely steeped in layers and layers of history just waiting to be discovered. I have managed the challenges with the support of my families here and back in the UK, and my incredible friends across the world. And Facebook and WhatsApp. Couldn't do without them.

Another story of another trip to Alexandria

Those of you who have known me a long time will remember that a few years ago, I spent six months travelling to and from Amsterdam on a weekly basis. I'm incident prone at the best of times, but there was something about Amsterdam that amplified it. I lost count of the number of times I tripped, fell, lost things, lost myself and got the time zones confused. One time on the metro someone actually fell on me. I'm beginning to think that Alexandria is going to turn out to be the same - maybe I should avoid cities beginning with A. In fact Alexandria seems to be worse - as well as being incident prone, it seems to turn me into a ditzy idiot. Just read my last post if you don't believe me.

It started before I even got to Alexandria. According to our travel agent at work, all the hotels we use were full. I really needed to go this week, so I looked into airbnb and checked with my boss who approved it. Found somewhere that was walking distance to the office, had WiFi (essential) and was described as 'luxury'. It seemed a bit pricy to me but then maybe that's what luxury costs in Alexandria I thought. And I've never used airbnb before so I had no idea what was a reasonable price to pay. It also could sleep six so that would put the price up, I supposed.

I set of from work in my Uber to catch the 14.00 train. Unlike last time, my ticket was for the right day. So far so good. Got on the train. As I was catching up on my social media, one of my team called. "Carol, your laptop is sitting here on your desk. Did you mean to take it with you?" I rummaged in my laptop bag. No laptops present. Honestly. I could hear them all laughing in the background.

 

I did manage to get off at the right station in Alexandria for the first time, so things were looking up. Needless to say, not for long. It was only a 15 minute walk, and it was a lovely, sunny, fresh day in Alexandria. So I decided to walk. What I was forgetting, of course, was the fact that the pavements in Egypt are shit. So dragging your wheelie case along loose paving stones, sand, gravel and numerous other obstructions isn't a pleasant experience. This is when you can actually get on the pavement - half the time you have to run the gauntlet with the traffic because there are cars parked on the pavement. My right arm ached by the time I found the apartment.

 

When the doorman opened the apartment door, I was slightly taken aback by the huge, old fashioned dining room table and chairs. Oh well I thought, I can live with antique furniture for two nights. The doorman put my case in the bedroom and left. My initial impressions were not good. It looked pretty tatty to me for something described as 'luxury'. I couldn't get the air conditioning to work, that was the first issue. Then the person who I was in contact with called me. I asked for the WiFi password. She said "there is no internet". "But I specifically chose this place because it says there is WiFi" I said through gritted teeth. She repeated that there was no internet at all. Right, I thought, well I'll just have to make the best of this.

  

I went to the toilet. The shower curtain rail was falling off the wall. Hmmm I thought. Still making the best of this although the best is becoming increasingly hard to find. There was no loo roll. And no towels. I wondered if I had messed up here - are these things not provided in airbnb properties? I would have to have a closer look (and I'd have to go shopping for loo roll and a towel).

 

The wardrobe was a gigantic, old fashioned walnut affair. I opened the door so I could hang up my work clothes. It fell off - on to me. If I hadn't reacted quickly it would have landed on me, as it was it hit me on the arm. Gosh, I thought. This isn't going as planned. Some instinct made me throw back the duvet. It was covered in stains. I actually gagged. F**k making the best of this! I went straight on to airbnb to complain, and while I was waiting for their site to respond, I looked on booking.com. Well there were loads of places and I have no idea why our travel agent couldn't find anywhere. I will be having a conversation with them on this very subject when I get back to the office next week. I booked into the Sheraton which was cheaper than all the hotels I had tried to book in that were full. Called another Uber. Went to the Sheraton. God, the relief. Nice room, air conditioning, WiFi, loo roll, towels. Intact shower rail. And a fruit bowl. And room service. And BEER in the mini bar.

While I was in the Uber on the way to the Sheraton, airbnb rang me, and I have to say I was extremely impressed. They were full of apologies and said numerous times that this "hardly ever happens!" They had also noted that this was my first airbnb experience, and it hadn't gone well (to say the least). They asked me to send the photographs I had taken of the wardrobe door, the stains (barf) and the shower. I did this, and shortly after I arrived in the Sheraton, my money had been refunded. Not only that, they gave me a voucher for another stay, to the value of this stay! I was well impressed. As they have handled my complaint so amazingly well, I'm definitely going to give them another go. Maybe not in Alexandria though, or any other cities beginning with A.

My worry is that I still have another 44 hours before I leave Alexandria (this is assuming I go to the right station and get on the right train), so goodness knows what might happen between now and then. However, for tonight at least, all’s well that ends well. These are the views from my hotel room. Not half bad.

Post blog note - I checked on airbnb after I wrote this and discovered that the apartment should have included loo roll and towels. Sigh.

Story of a trip to Alexandria

I had to go to Alexandria today with work, on the train. I booked my tickets yesterday through work. It never fails to amaze me how cheap it is. Given that Cairo is the capital of Egypt and Alexandria is the second city, and it takes two and a half hours, the ticket price of 72 Egyptian Pounds (about £5.60) for first class seems unbelievable. Admittedly it's not quite like Virgin Trains from Manchester to London, but then it doesn't cost £332 either (I just looked at the price online). Unfortunately I discovered this morning on the train that I'd booked tickets for the wrong day. Tomorrow, in fact. Luckily the train inspector took pity on me and let me off with it and tore my wrong ticket up. I think it was my horrified face. He said (I think) that I'd have to buy a new ticket for the return journey. 

I also discovered that I'd forgotten to charge up my work phone which ran out of battery about 6 minutes into the journey. Oh well. I was trying to finish Grapes of Wrath for Reading Club tomorrow anyway. So engrossed was I in GoW that I didn't notice that we were trundling through Alexandria. Last time I came here by train I got off at the wrong station and had to get a taxi to the right station because my driver was there. This time, as we pulling out of the right station, I suddenly realised that I should be on the platform that was now whizzing by. I'd missed my station AGAIN. So I didn't get to the office in time to start the meeting I'd arranged, but at least I amused everybody. 

I moved the meeting to 1pm then discovered I'd forgotten my notebook with all notes for the meeting. Had to filch one from a colleague, who'd just been laughing about the station. "What is wrong with you!" He said. Honestly - I wish I knew. Sent out some pre meeting information "for the meeting at 3". Confused meeting attendees. Isn't meeting at 1? Oh yes. Sorry about that. Seriously, what IS wrong with me? Due to lack of notes I had to blag in the meeting. 

Free ride on the train

Left for station ridiculously early in case I went to the wrong station. Bought another ticket. Train late. Watched two lads race for a train that was already moving...on the other platform. They jumped on to the rails and crossed over. Someone inside the train grabbed one of them. Then he grabbed the other. Both hanging off the rapidly speeding up train. My hair was standing on end. Watched another train coming in with a load of people standing on the engine, see photo. Sorry it's blurry but the train was actually moving quite fast and they weren't even holding on. Health and safety Egyptian style. 

Walked to the wrong end of the train (which is VERY LONG). Because it was about to leave I had to walk all the way back to the front through the train and I could see the ground rushing by in the gaps between the carriages. Small gaps but still! It was the ground and the metal thingies were moving about! A kind train man asked me where I was trying to go (at least I think that's probably what he asked), and I managed to say two in Arabic. Then he said something along the lines of you're in coach five. Coach two is that way. And I broadly understood!

I'm still on the train. I now have a cup of tea and a piece of English Cake. Given I lived in England for 29 years, it's surprising to note that I haven't got the first idea what English cake is. Turns out to be a bit like madeira cake with bits in. I'm hoping my adventures are over for the day but really, the way this day is going, it seems unlikely. I'll keep you posted. 

Post blog update: Well, I made it home without further incident. The positives from today are that I now know what English cake is and I managed to have a sort-of conversation in Arabic.